


the best laid plans.

by parkadescandal



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: (it's the trauma), Character Study, poor riku just has some things to unravel is all, ultimately not a romance fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 22:34:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19385923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkadescandal/pseuds/parkadescandal
Summary: "He’d had to sit and think to himself for a while about just what the implications of these feelings were. They weren’t pleasant, and he didn’t want them, but it had been so long since he had felt quiteanythingthat he latched on to it and felt it skipping in his brain, caught on just the one word that could possibly encapsulate all that emotion."





	the best laid plans.

**Author's Note:**

> "The best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry."
> 
> About a year ago I offered to write some short prompts for friends. Everyone picked stuff in my wheelhouse... except for a very darling friend who asked for miku. Needless to say it gave me pause for a little while, and I ended up slapping this up on anon 6 months later. I chickened out on making it serious ship-wise, but still did a predictable character study and decided to own up to it.

“Sometimes I get all mixed up inside,” Riku said, looking down at his lap. “I was so lonely. And so grateful.” 

“What are you talking about, Riku?” the King said gently. 

The castle had been big, imposing. Terribly bright; it practically glittered. Riku had felt he had to shield his eyes. Waiting for him at the entryway were the castle’s head magician and captain of the guard, who regarded him with less caution than usual and more of a dollop of… maybe it was pity. Riku couldn’t say he had been mad. Things could have been worse. Things already had been. They chatted amiably as they led him to where the King and Queen awaited, hatchets buried, apparently.

He’d stepped up to the door of the audience chamber filled with a fear he hadn’t felt quite so intensely since the first time he fought off the darkness. Ironically, he was scared of the very thing that had helped him to win, or, at least, the concept—he’d rather have wrestled with Ansem a time or ten again than come once again to the conclusion that he had, that the logical progression of having one’s life saved and valued was to swear fealty, forever indebted by the binding forces of love. What kind, he didn’t quite know yet. Mickey had been the first force in eons to bring him to a smile, and he felt some type of way about it. Which type remained to be seen, but the vague queasiness in his gut had him scared it wasn’t an easy one. 

He’d had to sit and think to himself for a while about just what the implications of these feelings were. They weren’t pleasant, and he didn’t want them, but it had been so long since he had felt quite _anything_ that he latched on to it and felt it skipping in his brain, caught on just the one word that could possibly encapsulate all that emotion. 

The way he felt about the King was extraordinarily simple, and that’s why he had no clue what to do about it. Everything was so muddled up in his heart that he couldn’t make the distinction of anything in between. The thought that this affection could be associated with anything as… _unconventional_ as this particular relationship was discomfiting; he felt the mortification crawl up to his neck. A boy and his mouse. A mouse and his boy. It made Riku’s eyes cross. 

“It’s bothering me a lot. I just felt I need to tell you…” Riku wrung his hands together while the King and Queen looked on. They’d gleefully ushered him into a more intimate setting, which might have been worse than the austerity of the audience chamber. No running here, no take backs. The Queen had been delighted to see him, to his great chagrin, to meet him for the first time and gush appreciation for his help and for his bravery. It made what was upcoming that much harder. He swallowed. “I just… the word is. It’s hard, I just. I… I love you a lot, Your Majesty.” 

The King looked on genially, almost as if tacitly confused as to why that was a problem. The horror seemed to set in during those few moments. Had the King misunderstood? _Had Riku?_ He watched the King take in his own expression and then nod once, twice, and fall into another level of silence. Shock may have been too generous a word for that quiet, but it wasn’t a peaceful one.

“Not like… not like that,” Riku said with haste, standing up for want of anything better to do. “At least… I don’t think,” he deflected, waving his hands in dismissal, then pausing. “Well. I’m not sure. But I’m really thankful. I’ve said that. I’m sorry. Dealing with things…. It’s all coming back to me. How to… how to feel. How to process.” 

Maybe even for the first time. He’d not been one to dwell and analyze the physiology of it all, too mortified to give any thought to what could only be described as _the warm fuzzies_. Maybe they weren’t new, but they had certainly been forgotten. The Riku who was capable of butterflies and blushes had died in the gale on the Destiny Islands so many lifetimes ago on one particularly bad day in the early to mid stages of his puberty. Or so he had thought. 

“Well, gosh,” Mickey said, patient but cautious, the Queen looking on with understanding as she held on to his hand. “That sure does feel like a lot to deal with. But for what it’s worth, I love you too. I’ve come to care about you an awful lot, and I wouldn’t hesitate to use that word.” 

The King nodded as if reaffirming, agreeing with himself, and the Queen followed suit. It all seemed so very odd. 

“So, um. So you don’t think… it’s strange?” 

“There are lots of different types of ways to love someone, Riku. And it takes a long time to figure ‘em all out, too. I wouldn’t worry too much if you feel confused, sometimes. I just don’t know if you were ready to sort it all out yet. But it’s real brave of you to come out and talk about it. That’s one big thing that tells me that you’re already working on handling the things that would make people who aren’t as strong as you fall to darkness.” 

It seemed redundant at this point to mention that he had, in fact, fallen to darkness. 

“I’ve...” Riku started tersely, staring off into one corner of the room with an extraordinarily focused blankness. “I’ve thought about it, and I’ve... seen weirder things.” 

“I don’t doubt that,” says the Queen, elegant as ever. Riku can barely bring himself even to think a halfhearted curse in her direction in regard to her unwarranted kindnesses. 

“I’m trying… to carve out a new life,” he said instead. “With new priorities. And maybe it’s just because it’s safe, but a lot of times I start imagining them starting here. At this castle, with you.” 

“Well, y’know you’re always welcome,” Mickey said, with a warm gesture outwards. “But I don’t think you’d tell me all that if that’s the decision you were most happy with.” 

“No,” Riku said softly. “I’m not sure that it is. There’s a part of me that knows… that whatever I do, it has to be for me. Just for me.” He looks down. “I had… lost it, for a while, forgotten… all the love in my heart. Sometimes it feels like more trouble than it’s worth to remember it. But it’s what keeps us going, isn’t it?”

He retreated back to take a seat once more, led back down by the gravitas. He continued.

“When I stop depending… when I stop relying on others. Well. When I stop _blaming_ others for my own problems, and also for my own successes—when I make my own futures without them… learn how to keep going even if things don’t look like they’re in my favor, then… it won’t be so hard, I think. But I can’t keep pretending that other people are responsible for anything about me.”

“Nope! No one else can do that for you,” Mickey said, and Riku looked up in surprise only to see him smile. “But we sure can help.” 

“I appreciate that, Your Majesty,” Riku said, once again forced into a slight smile of his own. He saw the King gently relinquish the Queen’s hand from his own and stand, arms outstretched. The only thing to do at that point was stand again, to meet him halfway in an embrace that no one could have called seamless or graceful. 

“Maybe one day I’ll know what it’s like, a real love like this,” Riku said as he pulled away, gesturing between the King and the Queen, who looked on with affection. There may have been a touch of envy in his voice, but he was startled to realize it was a healthy kind, the type that makes you want to do better. And better he was resigned to do. “I’ll look forward to it. But it’s not what I need right now. You’re right. That’s not… the only kind of love a heart needs.” 

“I just hope you learn that you’re allowed to love yourself, too,” the Queen said, just full of surprises.

“I hope so too,” Riku said, startled into a full on smile this time. “I really do.” 

**Author's Note:**

> ilu ali
> 
> as another friend said, it's more like the scene in a teen drama where the son says "I love you, Dad', so let's just call this a very unconventional coming out.


End file.
